Friday, July 10, 2009

Punishment From a Top's Perspective.

This post is prompted by questions in a post of the same name by Eliane.

Whilst understanding what bottoms get from an "atoning" style punishment, as opposed to "role play", she was curious about what a top gets out of this type of encounter. Answering for myself, I had always found the prospect of spanking an attractive bottom (the body part as distinct from the person) exciting and erotic, and I still do. I confess to being one of those males who finds it hard to classify any bottom body part as unattractive.

However, much more recently, my wife discovered the whole concept of obedience in the service of love. The internet, without any doubt, was the medium of revelation. She is very well read and is an educated and wise person, but the web was the introduction to real alive individuals just like herself who had discovered domestic discipline as a helpful part of their relationships. It came as a dawning that you didn't have to start from a pre-established position in the world of kink, BDSM, polyamory and Fetlife to appreciate domestic discipline.

So, here was me, presented with a wife who was much more willing to offer her bottom for punishment. Don't misunderstand, she had never refused, but it was always in the context of slap and tickle foreplay. This was different. I was surprised that it wasn't easy for me. She would be stroppy and disproportionately annoyed about something. I would tip toe around the situation feeling that she might have had a point about housework or whatever, but that her reactions were out of scale. It was that core of "just cause" which inhibited me acting. Later she would recover, apologise and ask why I had not taken her in hand.

That last hyperlink is quite deliberate. Taken-in-hand was probably the first web revelation for both of us. Writers like Louise seemed to so closely reflect many of our dynamics. I learned that impetuous women actually like to be grounded by a masterful reference point. My wife now feels safer because of my ability to contain her, to protect her from the possibility self destruction. Physical punishment, when deserved rather than requested, brings such a mood change in its wake. Its as if her misbehaviour is the growing sultry headache laden buildup to a thunderstorm. Hers are the squalls of wind, the sudden hailstones, the disorganised unfocussed anger.

I must bring her lightning. An appropriate punishment must be intensely physical, sharp and directed. It helps me to direct my anger and disapproval. I can express myself without engaging in a smart alec clever debating war of words.

And afterwards, the clouds clear back, the sun comes out, she sings to herself, she's nice to be around again and I feel good.


  1. hi,
    What a very nice post. I think that there are a LOT of women out there, who want that 'grounded' relationship, but don't venture there for a variety of reasons, among them, as you pointed out, that they see it as some type of SM or fetish thing, and that isn't them.

    But if women weren't thinking about such things, why are there such Large numbers of romance novels, where the heroe is so Very traditional. And in a lot those vanilla stories, there is almost always a spanking, or spanking threat given.

    Well before I discovered the term domestic discipline on the internet, I knew I wanted this, but simply always thought of it as a traditional marriage.

  2. Thanks Angie. You make a very good point. From a cursory glance, even at their covers, a lot of "airport books" aimed at women have a distinct DD undercurrent and I believe, from one of my sources, that the same is even truer of the lending pattern from many public libraries. Its the bodice rippers that have the most date stamps, now why do you think most bodices got ripped?